It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
