worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
