There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
