nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
