so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
