You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
