her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
