Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
