after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
