O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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