i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
