So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
