ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ok first of all what the fuck
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
