My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
