Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
