if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
