she was so not down for the gang bang
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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