Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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