i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
