Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
