He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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