I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
