whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize