thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
