ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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