If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
