Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
