Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
