Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize