flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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