We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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