If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
