Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
