If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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