were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
