i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
