This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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