What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
