They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
