Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
