My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
