I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize