Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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