I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
