He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize