I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
