their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
