Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize