carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
false alarm, still single
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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