walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
