someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
