Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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