The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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