how can u be prego again
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
