We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
