Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
