i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
