Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
