You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
