I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
