im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
