Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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