Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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