Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
