I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
