haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
